Tuesday, October 8, 2013


My child is a boy, and I feel that as his father I have the responsibility to teach him how to play like a boy.  Unlike my wife who plays in a nice safe manner, when Daddy's playing it's going to be rough & tumble, head butting, wrestling on the floor kind of fun.  Now while my wife was initially against my manner of play, she saw the benefit to it while out with friends. 

While on a "play date" (God, I hate that phrase), my son and another little boy both wiped out on a tile floor.  While my son just  got up and shook off the fall, this other little boy stood their crying on the top of his lungs about his boo-boo.  So while she may not fully approve of our playtime, she does appreciate that it toughened him up, and prevented him from becoming a whiney bitch like all of the other little boys she know.

Now despite that fact that she may not object to how I play with him, there is still a threshold to her tolerance.  And while I'm fully aware of what she deems acceptable, my son is fun, he's fearless and I just can't help myself. So whenever Mommy's goes out and leave us home alone, my son and I like to take it up a notch.  Nothing really dangerous, but it is definitely something that might be frowned upon.  Not to go into too many details, but it usually involves a helmet (safety first), a wagon, and some interesting paths around the house.

I should have known to not try these things until he was older.  Until he was mature enough to keep a secret.  Until he could fully comprehend the situation, and the potential consequences of being discovered.  All it took was my son coming up to me and my wife one night, holding a helmet, and asking for "MORE!".  Before I could even look at her, I could feel her shooting me daggers while she asked me "What were you doing?"

I believe it's moments like this that can test your resolve.  You take a moment, analyze the situation, and weigh your options:
  • Option A: Come clean - Tell the truth, show her the video you made, point out the fact that he survived, and own up to it like a man.
  • Option B - Lie.  Lie like the man God made you.  Only that requires more thought.  Specifically, what kind of lie do you tell? 
    • Do you go with the dismissive lie? - "I don't know what he means"
    • Do you use the believable but unlikely lie? - "I took him for a ride on your bike.  Yes your pink bike with the flowery basket"
    • The unbelievable, but likely lie? - "Thought I would teach him to ride a bike, and I felt it didn't matter how dark it was"
    • The concerned lie? - "I mopped the floor and was afraid he couldn't stay off it, so to be safe..."
    • The ballsy redirect lie? - "ME?  WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH HIM?!?!?!"

However as I learned, if you've been with someone long enough (and if you take to long to answer) they will know that you're trying to determine which lie to use.  She called me on it, I bitched up and was forced to take Option A.

Needless to say my son and I no longer engage in that type of play.  But there's always hope for his brother, and maybe that little boy won't narc me out.

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