Sunday, August 25, 2013

My Son's New Talent

My son has just realized that he now has the ability to control his gas.  He is the master of his own farts, in command of his own stench.  And what he has chosen to do with his now found super power...  He farts on Daddy.  An act that my wife is finding to not only hilarious, but useful for her own evil purposes. 

Some backstory, my son and I have a tendency to roll around on the floor and roughhouse.  During these sessions, my wife stays on the sidelines and waits to see if someone gets hurt (which is usually me).  However recently I think I've caught her lying and waiting for an opening.  Cause once she sees it, she mutters those four little words that makes this child jump into action:  "Fart on Daddy's head!".  At which point my two year old will straddle my head and start tooting.  SHE HAS TURNED MY SON INTO A WEAPON!!!! 

I have been caught by this ambush 4 times, and I think I've started to see the pattern.  It always starts off the same way in that our dinner will conveniently includes beans and broccoli.  Then we move into the living room, and I'm encouraged to get on the floor with him.  After about 10 minutes a football will appear, we'll start wrestling, and once my back is on the floor, that's when he the call.  That's when the little shit will climb up, clench up, and let me have it. 

Last time this happened, I rolled over and threw him as soon as I felt him tense up.  He landed on the couch  laughing his ass off, so I don't think the message was received.  Next time, maybe I should do a reversal, and get a little pay back.  As for Mommy, the woman that issue the hit, I believe there is a "Dutch Oven" in her future.

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