Thursday, December 5, 2013

It's Wrong To Fight A Two Year Old, Right?

My son has recently added a new technique to his bag of tantrum tricks.  He is now pushing me, square in the chest with both hands.  If you are having difficulties visualizing the action, just picture the opening move of every bar fight in the history of the world. 

The first time he did it, it flipped some unconscious switch in my head and I reacted in fight mode.  Fortunately, I realized before anything had happened who I was dealing with, and all the resulted was a startled child.  Now he has done it two more times, and it's getting more difficult for me to control myself.  Besides the fact that it's unacceptable for a child reactions to be physical, I think it's the fact that it's such a dickhead move that's really pissing me off.

I'm starting to think I need to have a talk to the boy.  Just sit him down and say, "Listen, if you hit Daddy again, Daddy's gonna hit you back!".  However I'm not sure what that would accomplish.  But I'm pretty sure it will make me feel better.  I'd like to think it would teach him consequences, but I'm dealing with a two year old.  How much of that lesson would stick?  Probably nothing, and then I'm left with as the guy hitting this kid for getting a little shove.

I was actually conflicted enough on it that I asked my mother for advice.  Her thoughts...

"You should not tell your son that you would hit him back.  What you need to do is, the next time your son hits you, is the time that you beat the shit out of that child.  You need to whip him so he learns to never put his hands on his parents again.  One good whipping is all it would take."

As much as I love her old school ghetto parenting techniques, I made me realize a couple of things.             

           1.  I realized the source of my fucked up parenting skills.
           2.  I really don't want to go to jail for listening to my mother.

Guess I have to make due, and hope this phases ends before I kill this child.  Guess the good thing is that since his little brother was born, we now have a spare son.  Just in case.

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